The Apathetic Epidemic

So I've basically said it before but with all the media spotlighting lately, I've been thinking about what will actually bring about a change.

A change to prevent teens from behaving badly?

A change to prevent teens and kids from putting themselves in harm’s way?

Well I can practically guarantee you that even punishing these teens to the maximum allowable limit of the law will NOT be a deterrent to the next group who happen to be in the same situation.

Why not you ask?

Well because that isn’t the actual problem. The actual problem started years before these kids (the bullies, the rapists and even sometimes the victims) were even teens.

The problem is PARENTAL APATHY.

I see more and more parents every day being apathetic towards their kids because they are busy, or working, or tired from working, or just don’t want to deal with them at the moment. All parents are guilty of it to some extent, myself included. No one is perfect. But we must strive to BE BETTER if we are to EXPECT BETTER.

The real problem, however, are the parents who don’t set clear limits and uphold them. Because then... “No”, no longer means No and kids learn that as toddlers. For too many “No” actually means, just whine and cry and scream and throw a tantrum until no becomes yes. So now they grow up learning that authority is actually flexible and that rules are made to be bent or broken. Why do you think the teachers are having such a hard time with them at school when they have been raised to persist until they get what they want? Then, they observe their apathetic parents, disregarding the law by smoking marijuana (which some people might be shocked to learn is actually against the law), drinking and driving (also against the law), even to a lesser extent speeding, road raging or even tail gaiting other cars (a form of bullying) and many more convenient ways people bend the rules to suit themselves. So now, no means yes, and parents can break the law when it suits them and everyone is above the law and rules are a joke. The mentality then clearly becomes “it’s only wrong if I get caught”.

Even for the parents who are actively engaged in their kids’ lives, who set rules and enforce them, who set good examples for their kids.... even those parents must be diligent!! Where is your teen tonight? Are you sure they are staying at a friend’s house? Did you call? Did you check with the parents? Because maybe they are really at a party where there is underage drinking and drugs, and even though you have raised them right and trust them, do you trust those other kids not to put your child in harm’s way? You know, those kids who believe that no means yes, and it’s only breaking the law if you get caught. Do you trust your kid with those kids, because believe me..... they are there. They are pouring your kid a glass of something and who knows what will happen later. But hey... you know what those apathetic’s say right.... “Oh kids will be kids and you have to just let them live their lives and hope they make good decisions”. YEAH... when you SEND THEM OFF TO COLLEGE!!!! Not when they are 15! 

Convicting murderers, doesn't seem to deter other murderers. Punishing drug dealers, doesn't lower the number of drug dealers. Prosecuting rapists, doesn't decrease the number of people raped every year. I realize that, in itself, is a scary thought, but true none the less. Now I’m not saying don’t punish criminals, I want them all to pay the maximum penalty for their crimes. But if we, as parents, can prevent one kid, or maybe two from choosing the wrong path shouldn't we try? We take the time to sort our garbage but avoid dealing with our own kids?

BE GOOD PARENTS: SET RULES. TEACH CONSEQUENCES. BE ENVOLVED. TALK TO YOUR KIDS. TALK TO THEIR FRIENDS. BE A ROLL MODEL. MOTIVATE. PARTICIPATE. REGULATE. ENGAGE. LOVE. REWARD. ACCEPT.

You only get one chance, don’t waste it being apathetic. Leave the garbage, sort the kids!

WE as PARENTS can BE THE CHANGE.

Friendship Theory

I haven't blogged in forever but thought after writing this in an email, it was worthy of reposting in my blog.


Sometimes.... being a real friend isn't always an easy job.
Sometimes... you have to be there for your friends even when they are not sunshine and light.
You have to let them cry, then comfort and support them.
Sometimes... when you'd rather be doing almost anything else.
Sometimes... when there is absolutely nothing you can do.
You do it because you remember the times they were there for you.
The times you were not at your best.
The times you felt lost, alone and afraid.
Real friendship is a circle.
What you are given, you give back.
Even when it's not easy or fun.
Even when you have better things to do.
Sometimes.... when a circle is broken you can never get it back.
So take good care of the people that are most important to you,
Even when it might seem least important to you.

I Believe.....

I Believe...
That just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe ...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others; sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself...

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different...

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe....
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.

Change

Inspiration comes to me in so many different ways, that sometimes it's hard to discern what truly inspires me. I see things, hear things, read things and feel things every single day that inspire me but often I don't give much thought on the impact it makes on me.

Today in my daily quotes I read this,

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”

An excellent point. Have you ever tried to change something significant about yourself? Lose weight, quit smoking, get healthy or even recover from the loss of a loved one? It's not easy to do. It takes determination, perseverance, strength, courage and faith. All of which you falter on at times during the process and sometimes even fail at. So why then, can we assume, that because we want someone else to be something other than what they are, that it will be easy for them to change simply because we want it? Perhaps its not the change in them that is the significant one to be made. Perhaps, just maybe, it's our ability to change what we can accept in others that leads to real contentment.

Musings of Michi

When Jean asked me to write my favorite memory of Michelle I sat down at the computer, prepared to type out a humorous account of our escapades in the VW Cabriolet or beach parties or maybe trying not to laugh during school mass, there were so many from days gone by. They flooded back like a riptide and pulled me from tears to laughter and back to tears. But I couldn't type. I couldn't bring myself to write anything down. I was paralyzed. I kept thinking, how can she be gone? I just saw her last summer. I was so excited to show her my New York City inspired decor when she came back to visit. She can't be gone, she was just here, she was just alive.

I couldn't write it. If I wrote it, it meant that I accepted that she was just 'gone' and she couldn't really be gone. Could she?

So I waited... Maybe I needed to say goodbye first. So there I stood in the card store, looking at all the sympathy cards and trying to decide which one would be best. What can you say to Greg, her rock, her best friend, her true love? What can you say to her parents who lost their only child? What can you say to her family, her friends, everyone that loved her? Nothing seemed to say what I wanted to say. And then I heard her, in my head, I heard her say..

"Is this the best you can do?"

"We reconnect after years of being out of touch, we spend time together in NYC, I remind you how much you love to write and this is what you want to say?" She had that saucy smile while she said it. That classic 'You know I'm right' Michelle grin.

I smiled and walked out of the store, knowing I'd have no trouble writing now.

So while I could write down a million memories of Michelle, I'd rather write about what she meant to me and how she inspired me.

Michelle may have only been 38 years old but she lived. She wasn't afraid to live her life and speak her mind and most of all, she wasn't afraid to make a difference. How many of us can say we really made a difference in people's lives? Michelle could. She could say it proudly. She made a difference in her students lives and years from now they will look back and say 'Ms. Gray, she really cared about me and she made a difference in my life' or 'I am what I am today because she inspired me.'

She did that for a lot of us. She showed me what true courage was. She made me believe she was not letting cancer stop her. Oh it may slow her down occasionally, but it was not stopping her. She inspired me not to dwell on self pity, because life is too short to wallow in it. She may not have been Mrs. Yetman very long but she loved Greg and he loved her and together they made the best out of the time they were given. We should all be so lucky to love like that. Some people could live 100 years and never know what they knew and shared. I would rather have 10 years with someone who loves and accepts me completely than 100 years without.

When I visited Michelle and Greg last summer, Michelle gave me a copy of a story I had written in Jr. High. How she still had that? I have no idea, but she did. I had so loved to write and didn't anymore. She reminded me that when you love to do something you should do it. Don't put it aside for tomorrow, do it now. So I started writing again and couldn't wait to tell her about it. But she knows now. And even though she wasn't my teacher in school, she was my teacher in life. She taught me a priceless lesson, as my friend. Years from now I will look back and say 'Ms Gray? She made a difference in MY life, as my friend.' and that... that is worth a 1000 years of living.

For a Little While

"I'll lend you for a little while,
a child of mine" God said,
"for you to love the while she lives,
and mourn for when she's dead.

It may be two or three short years,
or twenty-two or three,
but will you, till I call her back,
take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
and should her stay be brief,
you'll have her lovely memories
as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay,
since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over
in my search for teacher's true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love?
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to call,
to take her back again?"

God fancied he heard the parent's say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joy the child shall bring,
the risk of grief I'll run.

I'll shelter her with tenderness,
I'll love her while I may,
and for the happiness I've known
forever grateful I'll stay.

But should the angels call for her,
much sooner than I planned,
I'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
and try to understand."

Hearts are dumb.

The heart is the most disobedient part of the body.

You can pretty much tell any other part of your body to listen to you and it usually does. Not the heart. I can tell mine over and over not to love someone or feel something and it completely ignores me. My brain tries to help and reason with the stubborn, irrational and overly emotional organ. It tells the heart all the logical and intellectual reasons why feeling that way is just completely destructive and unhealthy, and it just scoffs at the brain.

The heart just does what it wants without any concern to how much pain it can cause. So what can you do about it? Beats me. I've tried tricking it, distracting it, lying to it... nothing works. Even if I completely ignore it, it gets me back at night when I fall asleep. The brain rests and the heart takes over with it's silly dreams about things that will never happen. So... my point... none really, only that it should have come with an on off switch and life would be much more sensible.